How to stop feeling like shit – not a guide

This isn’t a guide, and it isn’t a review of the (brilliant) audiobook either.

It’s more of a reflection on how this book is making me feel so far; I hate reflections – mainly because I often don’t like what I see, either aesthetically, or emotionally. It’s really hard to do sometimes.

Andrea Owen (the author) is basically a witch of some kind; she has gathered the sacred knowledge of how shitty that women can often feel about themselves, bundled it all together, worked out how to feel less shit, and is talking to us. This is ace.

Of all the behaviours it lists, I feel I score wonderfully strongly in the “comparing yourself to others” (see previous post), and self-sabotage.

Why? WHY AM I LIKE THIS?

Let’s not delve into that nightmarish rabbit warren just now, shall we?

But let’s look at the self-saboteur; I like to hear when I have done something well, I mean, it affirms that I am moving in the right direction, or that I have made a positive impact on someone, or that I have overcome a challenge.

So why do I then spend so long wondering how I have managed to fool people into believing I can do what I do.

As you know – I am a midwife. Sometimes I wonder #howthefuckdidIgetadegree, and also how did I get a job, not to mention how do I still have a job? But I do. and Andrea says something that made me laugh out loud as I was listening – to assume that I have not achieved those things, or that I am not maintaining those things shows a hell of a disregard for the people with whom I work – staff and families alike.

She says something along the lines of managing to hoodwink all of those people, and to keep up that facade is either a huge 24/7 toil, or you think they are all really really dumb not to have noticed you aren’t what you are.

Now, I would be too exhausted to keep that up, and I work with some incredibly intelligent, and intuitive people – they would have sussed me out a long time ago.

 

So having removed the impossible, we are left with the inevitable.

I am a midwife

I am not a shit one

I deserve to experience what I have achieved

 

Let’s just leave the personal relationships for another time – aka “They must be humouring me” “I am sure this is all a joke”, “Why would that person like me of their own volition”

 

My brain hurts, but in the same way muscles do after they have worked hard at the gym

 

 

H xx

 

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