The Perpetual Student

too-tired

If I haven’t whined at you about this, then we don’t spend much time together.
And when I say “much time”, I mean between 2 and 7 minutes.

Earlier this year, I had to take some time out of the course – it’s a big deal and one that I’m too close to at the moment to express properly here. Besides, this is supposed to be a relatively quick post.

The thing is, that event has had a massive knock on effect on my training and has set me back by as much as 11 weeks. My amazing friends are posting pics of their degree certificates and starting their jobs…and I’m still playing the bursary vs eating game. The negotiation and discussion of competencies to be signed off. The travel to and from placement (43 miles one way, if you were wondering).

And it’s becoming a struggle.

I receive nothing but positivity and support from cohort and colleagues alike, but it’s like swimming the channel – although the end is in sight, the swim is making me ache, and tired, and wondering what utter madness pushed me into starting in the first place.

I have a job, but it’s miles and miles away from where I live and where I’ve trained nd it’s that double edged sword: a new start, a new chapter, but without the reassurance of colleagues I’ve worked with before. The new place are taking me based on my interview (which as intense), my application, and my qualifications; they don’t know me from practice, and I will very much be expected to do what it says I can on the tin.

Terrifying really, isn’t it?

I don’t even have a restorative comment or thought to add to the end of this post.

 

 

 

 

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The night duty blues.. (woe is me and fuck you to anyone getting between me and my recovery sleep)

Oh man that paragraph about sleeping in the car? ACCURATE

the moderate midwife

When I signed up I knew I would be working nights. I knew it, but I looked at my mentors with excitement and intrigue – what could be more appealing than the quiet of the night and the increased rate of births? Oh holy hell, I was too deliriously in love with midwifing and pining over the moon to notice the slower movement of the staff.

Pre Night Duty

It all starts the day you wake up knowing you are working that night. If you let it, it will hang over you like a shadow, casting its weary darkness over everything you do. You cannot possibly inject any activity with your normal enthusiasm and vitality and waste precious molecules of energy that you might need to call on later. Oh no, you must be sombre and sullen and ruin a perfectly good day.

Sometimes, you might be tired enough to…

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