With the ups there are the downs

Today has been one of them.

I lost my phone yesterday evening, and for some reason that seemingly small thing has made me feel stupid ad useless again.

Then I went to a doctor’s appointment that I had meant to go to on Wednesday (well I did go and they told me it was Friday) which I forgot until it popped up on my calendar in the very early hours of this morning.) so, yeah that basic “days of the week” identification has escaped me too. That’s basic, that’s really really basic stuff.

And for the rest of the day I have been out of sorts and feeling like, well not even a first year, like a GCSE work placement person who was supposed to go to a different hospital all together. Out of place, stumbling oer the most basic things, just unable to do things. And it bashed me for 6, not just knocked me.

Yesterday we had a great training day at UWE and our team was working brilliantly together, one of the students was exceptional and her confidence made me feel confident…until it came to the time for me to lead – and I lost it. Then I felt like I had squashed our motivation, and even when the feedback was positive, and that the scenario had been complicated and difficult, I still felt like everyone had been affected because I hadn’t managed to get a hold on it straight away.

Yes it’s a simulation, yes I’m a student, yes it’s supposed to be a chance to learn, but I just felt so crap after the day had been doing wonders for that morning’s panic after a nightmare (literal nightmare, terrible night’s sleep).

Now it’s the weekend and my next shift isn’t until Monday when hopefully I will have had some sort of therapeutic experience over Saturday and Sunday.

I need to get my act together before I lose the plot, it had all been going so well then this stumble feels like I’ve fallen off a cliff. Can’t even summon a happy thought to conjure a patronus and ward off these dementors…and there is no chocolate in the house.

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